


Poison Hearts Will Never Change.

by thethoughtswithin



Series: I Never Thought You'd Be The Last One Standing. (But I Always Wanted You To Be...) [1]
Category: Shameless (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thethoughtswithin/pseuds/thethoughtswithin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian finally gets his shit together, Mickey loses his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Was Ready To Die For You Baby, Doesnt Mean Im Ready To Stay

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever fanfic. excuse the stupid and silly mistakes. this is just the first chapter theres more if you guys like this..Let me know!

He's been on the old repainted school bus for almost 5 Hours. 

5 hours of uncomfortable worn leather seats and feeling every single bump that was in the road, but mostly it was 5 hours of every single memory Ian had of Mickey Milkovich echoing like a movie in his mind. 

And as he replayed each one, he thought about each of them just little differently than he did before. Most of the ones before Terry had caught them still had the same dizzying effect on him when he was remembering the pure lust but also the warmth of love that accompanied the memories, others tasted like blood and rage. But Ian wasn't trying to think about himself now. He tried to remember every detail of Mickey’s movements and body language; trying to see something he didn't before, something, anything to make him think he wasn't the only fucking person in this. When he was finished replaying all of them he was mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

Again, because Mickey fucking Milkovich.

Ian had enough thinking for one day, he closed his eyes, let a rather large sigh escape his lips and let his head fall back into the leather. About 15 seconds later though it all fucking clicked in his head. Immediately his head shot up, his eyes wide open with realization spreading across his face. All the memories of after Terry caught them passed through his head again but this time each of them wasn't a single separate memory, now they were run together in rapid succession and when Ian looked at everything as a whole he realized that when Mickey kept his mouth shut on the rooftop during that first encounter, or the confrontation that left Ian bloodied and crying or the look in Mickey’s eyes after Ian burst in at the wedding and spilled his guts, every single “fuck off” and roll of the eyes, and his inability to tell Ian to stay were all Mickey’s fucked up ways of telling him he loves him without actually saying anything. 

And with the new found realization fresh in his mind Ian's mind moved to the why. 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

13 hours 12 minutes and 47 seconds after Ian walked out of Mickey’s room Mickey was still sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. 

Mickey counted all the seconds since that moment because that was really all he had. When the red head left his room earlier Mickey immediately felt empty like when Ian walked out he took every single thing that mattered in his life with him, he took the only reason he smiled anymore. 

Mickey sat there for all those hours and slowly, painfully so, remembered every single memory in his life that had to do with that fucking fire-crotch. Mickey remembered things he hadn't thought about in so many years. Like the time he pissed on first base just to see if the stupid ginger Gallagher kid who played second would laugh at him because he liked it when he smiled. 

Then there were the times that weren't quite so far in the past but felt like another lifetime ago. Like when Mandy told him that Ian had tried to rape her. He scoffs at the memory because he can at least find some humor in it. Or after that when Mandy told him that it was really just a misunderstanding between them and that Mickey and the brothers can back off cause Mandy promised Mickey that Ian would try anything like that again and that has a really a good guy. Mandy was the one person in the entire world that mickey trusted, even a little bit so if Mandy told him it was OK then it was. Mickey wasn't a total pushover when it came to his baby sister though and he sensed she wasn't telling him everything about Ian Gallagher. Mickey wanted to know why she did a complete 180 in 12 fucking hours so he started hanging out in the alley across from the Kash and grab some nights when Ian worked late just to see if Mandy's so called boyfriend was as good a guy as she said.  
What he came to understand after those nights in the alley is that of course Ian didn't try to rape Mandy hell he wasn't even 'dating" Mandy. Mandy was his beard. One night Mickey was starting to walk home from the alley because The store had been closed for a while, and Ian and Kash would leave soon and he didn't feel like getting caught. So he started his trek home, as he passed the alley next to the store a flash of red caught his eye and when he turned he saw Ian and Kash making out against the brick wall. he scoffed, turned to leave and the further he walked the more he felt what reminded him of rage slowly burning its way through he body. Later Mickey would realize what he felt was jealously, he felt the same thing when he followed Ian and fucking Ned to the Fountain.

He remembered the afternoon Mandy asked him to go to the store to get her Pringles and dip because she had the munchies. He told her to fuck off and walked out the door but figured he’d go to the kash and grab cause he was kind of already headed that way. Fuck you. But honestly just his thoughts about Ian were already playing with fire enough. 

Mickey knew himself well enough to know that what Mickey wants, Mickey fucking gets and he figures once he gets it hell move on like always but something, something tiny and quiet and hushed deep within him tells him no. this is gonna be different. But it’s quiet and the blood pulsing faster through his system as he approaches the Kash and grab drowns it out and he keeps moving one foot in front of the other. He enters the Kash and Grab and walks past Kash and up the aisle and goes to the fridge to get a Gatorade for himself and Mandy’s chips are right there to he grabs all of and walk to the counter within seconds of entering but his eyes have carefully scanned the whole store and he can’t find Ian anywhere so he take a box of the counter dumps the gum and puts all of it inside looks twice just to see if maybe Ian’s fucking anywhere and has not so and a half second later he’s turning to leave and spots a white shirt out of the corner of his eye but keeps moving. Fuck Gallagher and his shitty yet perfect timing cause now Mickey has no idea what he would even say to him so he keeps his eyes to his box of stolen goods and walks out the door and after 4 seconds he realized he forgot the dip and Mandy’s just gonna bitch so he walks back inside Ian’s at the counter and has this pissed off face that in all honestly is just turning Mickey on all that more and grabs 2 dips and walks out again not sparing Ian a second glance he’s about 15 feet away when he hears the door open and Ian says 

"Hey, Mickey. Why don’t you steal from a neighbor hood you don’t live in, have some civic pride ya know?"

Mickey is hysterical on the inside because he thinks that may be the gayest thing he’s ever heard, even gayer? How, while Mickey’s thinking back on it now, he’s thinking how fucking adorable Gallagher looked when he said it all those years ago. And how he’s lucky Mandy only ended up eating one can of Pringles with dip because he really didn't want to explain where the other one went.


	2. Theres a Hole In My Heart Where You Used to Be.

Right now Ian needed the fuck off this stupid fucking bus and have a fucking cigarette cause figuring this all out was fucking stressful. 

Ian got up from his seat and sat next to the Sergeant who was riding with the recruits to Fort Leonard Wood and told him that he just got a call from his sister saying his brother is in the hospital, he was in an accident and they weren't sure if he was gonna make it, and how they didn't know he was leaving, and that he needed to say good bye to his brother and all that fucking jazz, and Ian will give it to himself he put on a good fucking show, though his emotions weren't all that hard to conjure up its just the feelings weren't about his brother they were a about a black haired boy he left in the fucking jungle to fend for himself. The Sergeant stopped the bus let Ian off telling him he'd make a call for a taxi to pick him up and take him to the nearest bus station so he can go home. With a thanks and a nod Ian got off the bus in some nowhere town sat on bench lit a cigarette and went back to where his mind was before, stress reliever in hand. 

Ian Gallagher knew Mickey Milkovich better than anyone and Mickey's always been an “actions are better than words” type person. . And Ian's either been too blind or too ignorant to make the connection that the phrase would also be relevant in his relationship with Mickey. The fact that he couldn't see this made the anger he was holding toward Mickey crumble as he remembered the first time he was with Mickey how not a single word was spoken but how there were fucking paragraphs written on each other’s faces and how they both knew exactly what the other wanted. Without a fucking word. 

At that exact moment, on that bench Ian Clayton Gallagher was sure, without a doubt, that he was the stupidest fucking person on the face of this planet. Because Mickey has been telling Ian he loved him since day fucking one. Ian laughed, laughed because it was either that or he would fucking start balling right here right now cause the pain that's in his chest from the realization that Mickey’s been telling him he loves him every day is threatening to kill and all Ian can think is what has he done for Mickey? Ian demanded words about feelings and pushed the boundaries. Ian tried to get Mickey to say things to him that Ian hadn't even said to Mickey and he didn't even realize till right now just how incredibly selfish that is. Ian finally realized how everything that happened with Mickey on that day had truly fucked with his head and how much he took it out on Mickey, but honestly every time he looked into Mickey’s eyes after the incident all he saw was the broken boy on the couch who pleaded with his eyes to save him from this torture but both boys knew Ian was signing his own death certificate if the redhead even moved a muscle, and that’s what still hurts the most, knowing he couldn't do a damn fucking thing that afternoon to change the  
atrocities that were committed and truthfully still felt stuck in that chair, staring at Mickey, with his chest feeling like it’s about to cave in from the hurt. 

Just then a car pulled up and Ian lifted his head as the driver rolled down the passenger seat and said was he the kid headed to Chicago? Ian didn't answer for a moment. Ian thought for a split second what would happen if he said no and started over in this place, but as soon as the thought appeared he immediately shook it away and said “yeah”. He stomped out his cigarette and walked to the car got in and told the driver he was headed to the South Side. Ian rested his head against the back of the seat, closed his eyes and started to figure out how to explain his behavior for the last few months to Fiona. “fuck” he sighed.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

With the darkness slowly enveloping his room, because he still hasn’t moved, he thinks of Mandy. 

Any respect and affection Mandy had for him yeah he took that the fuck with him too. Because you don't respect people you call a pussy. Mickey wasn't really mad about the comment Mandy had made earlier because she was fucking right. He was a pussy. It was absolutely the look of pure disappointment on her face that made him sick to his stomach because Mandy was his baby sister and sure there were times he treated her like shit but he would walk through fucking fire for her even murder for her. Cause Mandy was his baby fucking sister and he wanted nothing bad in the world to touch her. Mickey could and would protect her from almost anything, anything except himself because he realized that when she finds out Ian left to fuck off to the army Mickey would be the cause and Mandy would lose her best friend because of how much of a goddamn pussy her big brother is. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to look at her after that because he couldn't deal with that fucking guilt. He needed time to prepare for the death stares he was gonna get for all of forever. Yeah he needed to fucking prepare. 

He was on his 47,569th second when his bedroom door opened to an obviously exhausted Svetlana. She flicked on the lamp that sat on her bedside table and audibly gasped when she saw Mickey sitting there. Obviously surprised by him being awake and when he looked at her she looked at him with a somewhat puzzled expression on her face. Mickey knew she could tell something was wrong because it was 5 in the fucking morning his eyes were red and he was fully dressed in exactly the same thing he was wearing when she walked out of the house earlier in the day. With a shrug of her shoulders she moved to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. Mickey needed out right the second. He then stood grabbed two bottles of vodka all the weed he could find, 2 eight balls of coke he had hidden away in case of emergency (and yes this was a fucking emergency) and the 5 Percocet he stole from Iggy a few months back after his dad caught....after that day, when he thought the weight of everything that had happened was gonna kill him. 

As the chill from the start of winter’s night air gripped him he shivered and the shivers didn't stop because he’d been trying to control them all night but once they fucking started they didn’t stop. He opened one of the bottles of vodka he had with him and figured that why waste any time, but mostly because Ian was on his mind. A-fucking-gain. He stopped at a liquor store got more booze because who was he kidding two bottles of vodka wasn't gonna last him fuck all of 2 days and he was gonna be there as long as it took till the alcohol and painkillers to completely and fucking thoroughly numb Mickey, which he assumed would take more than two fucking days. So he walked, walked without purpose, walked without even seeing where he was going he just moved. Mickey hadn't realized where he was until after a good 30 minutes of walking and 15 minutes of looking at the sky while downing the remainder of the first bottle of vodka. As he looked around he realized he was surrounded by empty buildings and ghosts of memories past so he popped his first Percocet and made himself comfortable on the rooftop full of makeshift training equipment he and Ian put together so Ian could train and still hangout with Mickey.

 

Mickey thought about the all the time he’d spent here. He found this place the day his mother died when he couldn't handle Mandy’s crying or his own emotions any longer. He saw Terry beat the fucking piss out of Iggy when he started to cry and Mickey didn't feel like taking that kind of abuse so he left. He knew Mandy would be safe and all their dad would really do if he saw her crying was close the door and walk away. Fucking girls. Always having it fucking easy with expressing emotions. What fucking ever. So he walked here that day and after smoking almost two joints Mickey broke down, screamed too many obscenities to count, cried till he almost puked, laughed at himself for a while and then he just sat there in silence finally able to breathe again. After finally getting it all out he walked home like none of it had happened and no one even knew he was gone. He realized was doing the same thing but getting over Gallagher was different. Gallagher wasn't dead(not yet at least) and Mickey chose to love Ian (mostly), because Mickey could and would deny that he felt something constantly drawing him back to that fucking red head but he felt that pull toward Ian constantly in the pit of stomach and always tried to fight against it, but he realized now he couldn’t. His love for Ian and the constant hell that was the Southside would always be the rip current inside of him trying to drown him but he realized that Ian had been pulled under by it now too so the smart thing to do was to let go of Ian so he could swim to surface and have a fighting chance, a chance to breathe. So that’s what he did when it registered in his brain that Ian had told him he was leaving for 4 years, he didn’t chase after him didn’t tell him how he felt he just let him go with the hope he might finally be able to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is very much appriciated!!! :)


	3. It's Not that Easy but it's Half of the Fun. And I Saw it Coming When You Threw the First Punch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian heads home but a little detour wakes him up to the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys Sorry its been so long since ive updated. ya know that thing called life that you sometimes have to deal with yeah thats been happening as well as little bit of writers block
> 
> oh FYI this just Ian 
> 
> dont fret though Mickey isnt far behind ;)
> 
> Thank you All for your patience and comments!

As the car approached the south side Ian’s minds was still all over place about everything. Sure there were thing he knew for sure, like Mickey loved him even if he couldn’t say it out -loud. He knew Lip was gonna be madder than hell when he got back cause Lip was a genius after all and he would definitely put the pieces together, but there were still some things that confused him and he needed to figure that shit out before going back home, so he told the driver to drop him off about 6 blocks away from his house. 

After walking for what seemed like forever with everything rolling around his head, he sat down in a familiar dark place with a cigarette. About halfway through the cigarette Ian heard the faint sound of another voice in the distance. The voice was quiet but there was something in it that was drawing Ian closer, walking ever so slowly toward the sound he heard. When the voice went silent Ian kept walking toward it anyway, not knowing why, just needing to. When he was outside the building he was pretty sure the voice was coming from, he heard someone scream. Ian looked up intently because the scream was bloodcurdling and sent a twang of pain through Ian’ body. What Ian heard next caused his knees to buckle underneath him. 

“THAT FUCKING IDIOT!!” 

“THAT GODAMN FUCKING IDIOT HOW COULD HE EVEN THINK I CARED ABOUT HER!!”

“IS HE REALLY THAT FUCKING BLIND!?!”

“THAT FUCKING PRICK MADE ME DO IT! I HAD TO OR HE’D KILL IAN!! I COULD LET TERRY FUCKING KILL HIM. AND HOW DOES THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE REPAY ME?!? HE WALKS THE FUCK OUT FOR FOUR YEARS.”

“Mandy’s probably right I am a fucking pussy I mean all It really took was one word. Stay. But no TOUGH GUY MICKEY COULDN’T FUCKING SPIT IT OUT!!! FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Ian was pretty sure that if he kept listening he would be sick. So he ran.

Ian always wondered what could break Mickey Milkovich, but never in a million years did Ian ever imagine he could be one of those things. 

But now that Ian knew, knew he had broken Mickey, knew Mickey married Svetlana to save his life, knew Mickey wanted him to stay, and knew Mickey was seriously pissed about Ian leaving, he knew he couldn’t just waltz back into Mickey’s life like nothing had happened. He couldn’t.  
Ian wasn’t a genius like Lip, or quick thinking like Fiona but Ian always saw the logic in things. He saw needed to be done and the most logical way of doing it. So before Ian could formally process what his plan was he was throwing pebbles at Mickey’s bedroom window. 

 

“Red headed boy? What are you doing here?”

“I need your help.” She looked at him, confused. 

“My help?” 

“Yes. Please. Just meet me at the dunkin donuts on west cermak tomorrow at 10 am.”

She nodded, pulled her head back in Mickey’s window and shut it. 

Ian let out a loud sigh and began walking back to his house.

 

Ian walked in the door a little past 11:30. He knew Debbie and Carl would be asleep. Fiona and Lip would definitely be awake since no one had seen or heard from him in almost a day. Sure enough the two of them were sitting there looking somewhat panicked when he waltzed back through the door.  
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! Half your shits gone and you told Carl you were going on a ROTC retreat?!, Which seems a little funny to me considering I haven’t signed a permission slip and your school says ROTC doesn’t have trips over break. And that bag on your shoulder seems pretty damn full, so Ian Gallagher I’m going to ask you again, where have you been?! As Fiona spoke she moved closer to Ian with each statement so that when she asked the next question she was literally in his face.  
He didn’t know what to say to her, because the sound in her voice and the look in her eye made him feel nothing but pure guilt about his actions earlier in the day so he instinctively threw his arms around his sisters waist and apologized softly in her ear and a after second Fiona squeezed him tight to her body. At that moment Ian was able to feel some of the heaviness that was weighing him down lift off of him. Fiona eventually broke the hug to sit down at the kitchen table, and he looked her directly in the eyes and began to speak.

“Look Fiona I know I’ve been off the last few months and that this morning I let my tenacity cloud my judgment for a while. I’m sorry that you were worried about me on top of all the other shit you had going on, but I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere and I promise that those days are behind me." 

“Ian, What the he—“

“Fiona please I know what your gonna ask and I promise you that soon I’ll tell you everything, I just can’t right now. Please."

After staring at him for what felt like minutes Fiona’s Shoulders deflated. And she moved to get up from the table “Fine. I’ll let it go, for now.” As she was about the round the corner of the stairs she stopped and turned back towards her brothers sitting in silence in the kitchen table and spoke.

“Hey Ian, one last thing.”

“Yea Fi”

“Just, whatever happens, make sure he’s deserves your trust.”

“OK”

And she continued up the stairs to her room.

Ian and Lip sat silent at the table for a few more minutes before the older brother sighed and finally broke the deafening silence between them.

“So... you gonna tell where you fucking been or we gonna play fucking 21 questions here.”

When Ian said nothing Lip continued.

“ah, ok I see how its gonna be, fine Ian have it your way, but I have one questions for you. Where’s my ID?”

The younger boy’s eyes widened and when he looked at his brother, he knew he’d been found out by the mostly furious but partly smug expression on his face. Lip turned toward the door, walked out, and sat on the back steps, Ian followed and sat down on the step next to Lip as he lit the joint he’d placed between his lips.

“Listen I need to know two things. What did you do? And did you mean what you said to Fiona?”

His brother passed the joint to him; he inhaled deeply and held his breath letting the smoke work its way to his brain. “I enlisted, with your ID. And yeah I meant what I said to Fiona. I’m not gonna lie to her.” Just then Lip turned and swiftly and sucker punched him right in the face. "Oh, but it’s ok to fucking lie to me when I asked if you were ok the other day and it’s ok for you to FUCKING ENLIST INTO THE ARMY WITH MY FUCKING NAME AND ID?! YOU ALMOST FUCKED MIT UP FOR ME SHITHEAD.”  
Ian grabbed his brother and held on for dear life.

“I’m so fucking proud of you dude and I’m sorry! Jesus Lip if I knew I wouldn’t have even thought about swiping your ID.”

Lip stood stunned for a few seconds and wrapped his arms around his little brother and told him that it’s just a good fucking thing he didn’t go through with it.

“Why didn’t you Ian?”

“Because loves not a mistake. No matter how fucked up the two people who’re in it are.”


	4. Do You Believe in Hallucinations, Any Dream or It's Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank lonleyfn on tumblr for helping me bring this idea to life.
> 
>  
> 
> as always feedback is lovely

By the next day when Mickey woke from his haze of drugs and alcohol he took in the scene around him. The makeshift obstacle course that the boys had set had been completely demolished. Mickey barely remembered what happened the previous evening but he has flashbacks of when he was screaming on the roof top taking all his anger and frustrations out on the equipment. Mickey felt the lump rise in his throat as he saw what was laid before him, and if he was being honest he really didn’t feel any different than he did when he watched his redhead walk out. If anything he felt worse, like maybe that hole in his heart had grown over night, that the drugs and alcohol did nothing to help they just made the sting burn more out of control. Or maybe it was just his massive hangover. Mickey k new the truth though, knew that all of it was about Ian. It always had been, Mickey had lied and made excuses the entire time Ian had been in his life about what he felt and what he wanted to do compared to what he actually said and did. Mickey knew there wasn’t a damn fucking thing he could do about it now. He saw his life of pills and booze unfurl before his eyes and watched himself turn into the thing he hated the most. Terry. Fuck that he thought, and at that moment he never wanted anything more than to not be his father. Although Mickey kept the memories deep within him, he remembers the times Terry acted like a semi-descent father. The one that always stuck out was the time he was spying on him reading Mandy a bedtime story. Mickey was peeking through the opening of Mandy’s door and while he was listening he was startled when the door to Mandy’s room opened suddenly to his father looming over him with an unreadable expression. Mickey remembers he had never been that scared in his whole life while he waiting for the wrath he was about to feel, but after a few seconds he heard his father say “how about when I’m done reading with your sister I come in by you?” Mickey nodded ran back to his room and waited for his father. When Terry entered he had a book under his arm and he was stubbing a cigarette out on the door frame of Mickey’s room. He sat on the edge of his son’s bed and read him the only other children’s book that was in the Milkovich house, The Giving Tree. Mickey shook the memory from his mind because that man was dead, he died all those years ago when he stuck that needle in his wife’s vein and pushed the full syringe too hard and pushed the life out of her. He knew then that he needed to get up and deal with his shit, and he made a promise to himself that afternoon that he would do everything in his power to not turn out like his father. Mickey closed his eyes tight, sighed, and shakily stood up to begin his walk home.

Mickey walked through the door and noticed the house completely silent. He was relieved to find that no one was home. He walked through the house straight to his room tearing his clothes off on the way to the shower. Mickey stood under hot water until there wasn’t a single drop left. He got out of the shower dried off and put on a pair of tattered black jeans a black thermal and his ratty old converse sneakers. He caught sight of the clock in his room and saw that it was a little past 11 in the morning and wondered absentmindedly where Svetlana was since she usually didn’t leave till 12:30. Whatever, he thought and walked into the kitchen opened the fridge and grabbed two jell-o cups and walked back to his room. As he finished the second cup he heard the front door close and listened closely. When he heard the door across from his slam, he knew it was Mandy. Well fuck, it was now or never, he could sit in his room and pretend forever that Mandy didn’t know anything or he could talk to her. He and Mandy had always been the closest out of their siblings but with her little outburst yesterday after Ian left he wasn’t sure where he stood with his sister. He stood outside her door for what seemed like hours pacing and biting at his lip until it bled and then finally knocked twice on the door. No response, he bangs on the door but still nothing, “Mandy open the fucking door!” When Mickey got no response again, he grabbed the knob and opened the door to Mandy sitting in the middle of her bed with her headphones in her ears reading some magazine. Mandy looked at her brother with disgust and reluctantly took out one of her headphones waiting for him to speak.  
“What are you doing?”  
“What the fuck does it look like Mickey?”  
Suddenly Mickey felt like a deer in headlights. His mouth went dry and he couldn’t for the life of him remember what he was gonna say to her.  
Mandy glared expectantly at her older brother who was looking at every other thing in the room except her, and when he gave her no response she rolled her eyes and went on.   
“Was there something specific you wanted to ask me or did you just walk back and forth outside my room for 10 minutes to be really creepy, cause if so it worked.”  
“Fuck This. Nevermind.”  
Before he could leave Mandy spoke again.  
“you know Mickey for a second there I thought you might have actually cared about Ian.”  
She shook her head and proceeded. “When Ian used to talk about the guy he was “sort of dating” he made you, even though at the time I didn’t know it was you, seem like you were a semi-decent person but you just let him walk away that day! WHO THE FUCK WAS I KIDDING THINKING THAT YOU COULD ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OTHER THAN YOURSELF!! YOU’RE JUST LIKE DAD!!”  
The last four words cause Mickey to fucking snap, before he could process what he was doing he had grabbed his sisters arm and his right arm was already in position to throw a punch when he saw the look in her eye and he froze, just like he had when he was about to bash Gallagher’s brains in with that stupid tire iron and realized he had just promised himself to not turn into terry and in that moment his sister looked just as terrified as he had felt the moment his dad walked in the house that day. His resolve broke at that moment and a single tear rolled down his face before he released Mandy and dropped his arm. He turned away from her but did walk away from her.  
Mandy sat there in shock, what the fuck had just happened?  
“I don’t wanna be like dad Mandy, he’s a fucking monster, and I should have known …” Mickey turned to face his sister and Mandy took in the sight of her brother and remembers seeing that look on his face once in her life. Mandy was 4, Mickey was 6, she vaguely remembers them playing her room with their teddy bears when Terry walked in and grabbed Mickey’s teddy bear out of his hands and ripped its head off and told him only pussies played with teddy bears when they were 6 years old, then threw the pieces on the floor and walked out, slamming the door behind him.  
It all made sense to her now and she knew that it was the same thing all over again except this time he had taken the one person who other than herself had actually given a shit about Mickey. Mandy remembered the way Ian talked about him and knew that Mickey did really truly care about Ian.  
“You love him Mickey, don’t you?”  
He nodded.  
“Tell me what happened. Please. Mickey please Ian’s my best friend. You’re my brother. I love both of you. ” Mandy paused took and a deep breath and asked again. “Please Mickey”  
Mickey stared at the floor pulled a cigarette out of his pack inhaled as lit it and exhaled before he told her the whole story.  
“you know that night when I told you get lost, when Lip and Ian were in that group home?”  
“Wait. He was coming here? Ha. I wondered where he was off to as he left when I was going in” Mickey really didn’t look amused. “Sorry. Keep going.”  
“Well he came here to stay over and the next morning before he was supposed to go to work we...”Mickey struggled with the words and Mandy immediately understood. “ I get it. Go ahead.”  
“And then dad walked in.” He saw his sisters jaw immediately drop because he knew she knew how fucked he and Ian were that day and he knew she had put all the pieces together, he could practically see it on her face.  
“oh god.”  
He wasn’t sure who was more shocked when he didn’t finish the story there and kept going.  
“And then he called for “The Russian” and I was sure that we were both dead. Except the person who walked the door was not what I’m pretty sure either of us fucking expected.”  
“Svetlana!” she yelled in realization.  
He nodded. “He told me she was gonna fuck the faggot out of me, told her to ride me until I liked it but that wasn’t the worst part Mandy.” He Looked his sister dead in the eyes and said; “It was the fact that that piece of shit forced Ian to sit and there and watch every single second. I couldn’t fucking look at Ian. Mandy, I just fucking couldn’t!”  
Mandy wrapped her arms around him and she felt his arms start to shudder beneath her. But she didn’t let go. She just squeezed tighter and told him that it wasn’t it his fault and that somehow it would be okay but both Milkoviches weren’t sure they believed it.  
After a few minutes Mandy let go of Mickey and he walked into his room grabbed the already rolled joint off of his night stand and walked back across the hall and sat there in silence with his sister. After they each had about 4 pulls each from the joint Mickey felt Mandy’s delicate hand intertwine with his own and he looked over to her gave her a small smile.  
“Can I ask a question?  
He hummed in response because he was honestly too high to answer her.  
“What did I walk in on, you know, at the wedding?”  
He didn’t answer immediately. But eventually spoke.  
“He came to stop me, to make me pick him over her. I tried to make him understand, he just wouldn’t fucking get it.”  
“Get what?”  
Mickey inhaled deeply before he spoke again.  
“If I didn’t marry her he was gonna kill Ian.”  
His sister didn’t react. She knew it was true. She just squeezed his hand just a little bit harder and inhaled more smoke.  
Mandy was too entranced by the feeling of the THC seeping into her blood stream to realize that she had started thinking out loud. “It’s kinda sick in a way but I’m surprised Dad actually let Ian go, especially after last time.”  
Mickey slowly turned his head toward Mandy raised an eyebrow, looking quite menacing, and removed his hand from hers. “What the fuck do you mean last time!?”  
“Oh shit.” Was her only response.


End file.
